I'm a 37 year old, single, childless woman. Yes, I realize society doesn't believe that many of "us" exist, but I can say I'm part of that tribe called the Mohicans. We're really not that endangered of a species, ya know. I saw a post on Facebook from one of my friends/followers that reminded me of a conversation that I had with God the day prior to seeing the post. It was one of those posts that made me feel like, "Whew! I thought I was the only one but I'm not so I'm cool." She spoke about despising that some women seem to think that there's an elite class of women/womanhood. Of course, this sparked something in me because I've internally battled with that ideology on and off throughout the years, mostly in the church....the black church.
Ok, before I dive in any deeper, let me lay out my disclaimers:
"I am in no way saying anything against the church, wifes or mothers. These are my thoughts and my experiences; that's all that I have. However, if the shoe fits, wear that 7.5 gurlllll. Kthx."
I can remember on a Sunday a few years ago during my former church's Mother's Day service, The Mother of the church was giving some words on that special day which was most fitting. I enjoyed her words of wisdom like always but she said one thing that had the devil riding my back to just get up and walk out of the service. It went a lil' something like this:
"The highest call of a woman is to be a mother."
Now, I sat there and immediately began to question myself and try to figure out if that statement was even in the Bible, which for me is the final authority. Of course, I haven't found that verse of scripture, although I don't proclaim to be any kind of biblical scholar or genious, but I did sit there in that moment and examined myself to see how I felt about it. The question to myself was, "If I never get married or have children, will I have not fulfilled my highest call as a woman?" Of course, I immediately said, "NO!", however, I wasn't unaffected by it. That was years ago and that statement has not fully left my memory because afterall, I'm still unmarried and single.
There are some women who place themselves in these made-up, dreamed-up, stupid-up, elite classes of womanhood called wives and mothers. Am I saying that being a wife and/or a mother isn't an honorable role/position? Heck naw, it is, that we can agree on 100%. However, what I have noticed is the difference in the way that I'm perceived as a woman who is single and doesn't have any children. Let's explore shall we?:
We know absolutely nothing and could not possibly understand, empathize or "get" their new life (as a mother and/or wife).
We have tons of time on our hands and sit at home playing tiddlywinks after our 3 naps a day.
We have tons of disposable income.
We are not to be around for a girls' nights out because we're single, will demonically influence you and are genetically built to get you to rebel against your husband. Afterall, that's why we exist.
And my all time favorite, WE. KNOW. NOTHING.
Let me interject myself and say, I'm thankful that I have met some wonderful women at my church, life and business that are not necessarily this way, but there is always this unspoken undercurrent that divides the marrieds from the singles, the mothers from the childless in various parts of society. Seriously, I can feel it because discernment is one of my superpowers! It's like, once one of "us" singles makes it into the "marrieds" there's the thought of, "Whew! I thought I'd never make it over to the promised land! Well, I've got mines, you betta get yours because I can't do nothin' for ya man....". We then sorta become one of the Forgottens or the Undesirables.
Sure, along the way I've questioned myself wondering if there's something I'm doing wrong, if something was wrong with me or if I wasn't praying enough for a husband, but the bottom line is that it will happen for me when it will happen for me. Period. It just seems kinda fantasical to me that some women view themselves as more prudent, elite and having obtained the holy grail of womanhood once married and with children. Pardon my guffaw at this ideology, although clearly appropriate.
To bring closure to all of this hoopla, the elitist ideology of womanhood must die. I bring some good news for those who have been struggling with the affects that these perceptions and in-your-face-real-life-comments have had on your soul: Your singleness and childlessness does not determine your worth. Those who choose to put themselves in a self-determined higharchy of women called the "marrieds" and/or the "mommies" are fooling themselves if they determine the value of their "stock" based upon a role(s) that they have within a relationship with a man. It's God Who establishes you, affirms you and has called you priceless because He sent and gave His best, Jesus, for you and that exchange is valued as: PRICELESS.
Without Him, you're nothing, but with Him you're all that you'll ever hope to be and more......I say all of this knowing that I will be married, with children, one day with a healthy perspective of those who are still waiting or have choosen a different route of doing life in that area. They'll thank me for this tiny rant sometime in the near future.
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